So, today I was very excited to make my triumphant return to singing….
…and by “triumphant” I mean a 10-minute warm-up.
Hysterical, yes. 100% serious, yes.
(Technically, according to my iPhone recorder, 11:47)
Reader’s digest version: It was strange, but good. I kept smiling… and laughing… in that weird/awkward/nervous way. It was all good. I can’t wait to do it again.
The whole story: I didn’t expect to be soooo nervous and anxious about it- BUT I WAS! I mean, here I was, finally given permission to do the thing I love to do and normally do all the time, but hadn’t done in 3 months… My friend and voice teacher, Dreux, was like, “Ok, let’s do this… Let’s get you singing. We’ll do about 10 minutes today.” I’m all: “I’ll be back in a minute.”
There were a few irrational fears that we quickly addressed:
What if it doesn’t work!?!?!
Good news: It does. Your body remembers something it has done for years, even with a 3 month break. While kind of out of shape, it was good. Breath coordination, phrasing, etc… that will all be back together fairly quickly. It’s fine; good, in fact!
What if I break it again!?!?!
Good news: I won’t… Not by singing when I feel fine for 10 minutes, at least. I’d have to try a lot harder than that to break it. I was strangely scared to really support at first (which is silly- support is a good, important, healthy thing for singers to do…) But I get a bit of a bigger sound with that… and after all this time of being quiet, it seemed a little scary to make a big sound for the first time in a while!
Where’d my high notes go?
Good news: Nowhere. They are still there. I was getting all paranoid about it… after some exercise I go off on a “gosh, that sucked, I was placing it too far back, etc…” and then Dreux’s just like, “I stopped because we’re taking it easy today. That was a C on top… and it sounded beautiful. It’s fine. Stop worrying so much!” I’m all, “Oh? That was a C… well then, yeah, that was fine! I thought I wasn’t all the way there yet!” LOL!
What was that sound? Oh god! Is that ok? I feel stupid! Why am I nervous? This feels strange, etc… (ie, my brain was going NUTS!)
Good news: My brain doesn’t have to do ANYTHING. Twice, between me wringing my hands, fixing my hair, half giggling, staring at random spots in the room, making disapproving faces at myself, and trying to sing, Dreux stops me… “What’s up? What are you thinking about?”
(Me thinking… hmm… that’s a big question right now)
Me: “Um, like everything.”
Dreux: “Yeah, I thought so. Don’t think. Don’t do that. I’ll do the thinking…. You just sing.”
Me: “Yeah… I know. I’ll try…”
LOL! ….If you know me, you KNOW I’m a thinker/ judger… an ENTJ for sure!
Suffice it to say, I had more fun and relaxed as I went… and it was only 10 minutes. …And I think I’m a little justified in being a little nervous/ anxious… I certainly NEVER want to have to do this long of a period of vocal rest again. But I am excited and happy to be in this new phase of this, and I look forward to slowly working back up to my usual amount of singing. Today was day 1… and me & iPhone recorder will laugh at and work with this little practice session for a week or so, and next week we’ll step it up- like to 15 whole minutes! Hahaha!
Last night, I went and met up with some friends… and started to get caught up on about 2 months’ worth of “stuff”… Laughed a lot; drank a fair amount of red wine; and generally had a fantastic time.
It was fun to see some of my students today and to share my good news- and I thought how lucky I am to have the kids I have… to see them be happy for me and rejoice with me in my good news. While graduation is always bittersweet, in a selfish way, when kids I like graduate… I was proud tonight. Proud to know them. Proud to have had the chance to teach them. Proud to be a part of sending them on to the next part of their journey.
Tomorrow is legitimately my LAST MUSIC THING & TEACHING THING OF THE SCHOOL YEAR! Every year reaching this moment feels like SUCH an accomplishment! (Looking at my year on Google Calendar, I know why! Lol!) Both of my choirs will combine to sing Mass at the girls’ school. It’ll be laid back and chill. No pressure. Just singing together. While I don’t like having to be anywhere looking decent at 9:30 in the morning, I’m excited to have one last event with ‘my kids’… especially with both groups together. It’s a perfect way to end a year. …And despite my excitement about being “done” for another year, I know that in a week or two, I will miss my kids and miss rehearsals and music and all of the things that make me sometimes wanna pull my hair out… So I will savor it tomorrow- even the music that I think is cheesy and/or shitty. This year, this last event is made even sweeter by the fact that if I happen to accidently sing along on something, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about it. J
In a brief “throw back” to my emphasis on “gratitude” a ways back, I want to let you know I’m still doing it. It really sets the tone and the mindset for the day. Here’s a few of my own gratitude statements from today:
- I’m thankful for having the privilege of watching students grow, through their high school years, and some beyond into adulthood.
- I’m thankful that one of my own teachers is now one of my best friends & confidants (and still teacher, when I need one), and that we can deal with and stick with one another, even when we make each other a little crazy and annoyed sometimes.
- I’m thankful that vocal rest has ended- earlier than expected…and that I can sing, and go out, and do all the things I really did take for granted for a long time again!
- I am thankful for good friends… really good… far better than average friends. Empathetic friends. Supportive friends. Patient friends. Considerate friends. Authentic friends. Loving friends. Fun friends. Silly friends. Straight-talking friends.
- I’m thankful for my internship site/ workplace… where people literally shrieked out of joy and gave me a hug- even in the middle of our accreditation visit- at hearing my news. I think I have more fun at work/ internship than anyone should. It’s fantastic!
- I’m thankful for the slight “relaxing” of my schedule into “summer mode”.
- (a work in progress) I’m thankful for the uncertainty in my life, especially occupationally, come August.
- I’m thankful (and amused and entertained) that I got a new blog record yesterday! 64 people in 6 countries read my blog… it really blows my mind! Thanks for reading. 🙂