Pregnant with Possibility

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Today was a pretty fabulous day, as far as days go…. Fabulous in my book means that a day does NOT stay in one place… a day offers a full gamut of experiences, feelings, and emotions… and by that barometer, Thursday, May 24th did not disappoint! LOL!

(At times there may have even been moments when I wished it offered less intensity, just sayin’.)

…And while I can be excited about and thoroughly enjoy my day, let me be clear… it was, for all intents and purposes, an ordinary Thursday.

According to “Google Calendar” the “big deal” of the day was the Mass at 10:15am at the girls’ school I teach at, with the combined choirs (at least those students not graduated or in exams). That liturgy was an interesting exercise for me in the sense that it was: 1. The last event of the year with “my kids”, 2. A situation where I was operating with a “skeleton crew”… no newly graduated seniors and several students out due to exams, and no rehearsals since exams started, 3. A moment that knowingly holds the possibility of being the last moment I have as being the director at both schools. …While not a “done deal”, it’s a possibility… and part of that made we wanna be a little bit of a shmuck, even though that’s SOOOO not my style, and 4. It wasn’t our best work… really. …and I tend to struggle with those moments of imperfection…. There may or may not have been a small panic-attack moment between my piano player and I behind the risers during the homily….

However, despite the imperfections inherent therein, it was great. At the present time, I don’t have kids… my choir kids are “my kids”. The crazy car ride from the boys’ school to the girls’ school with one student today, and the tremendously entertaining, yet honest and authentic conversation that accompanied it… AMAZING. I am BEYOND ready for summer break, but after a week or two, I will really miss “my kids” and already am looking forward to August, when we come together again. My kids make me laugh, worry, smile, stress, and do about a thousand other things. Without them, this blog and my Facebook are a whole lot of boring! LOL!

Perhaps part of my “shmuck-y-ness” for this year is also due to the fact that despite signing one contract, next year is still one big question mark for me. I would be lying if I said that today, while conducting some super cheesy communion piece I didn’t think, “what if this is my last moment with these kiddos?” I got a little “almost teary” about it…. I hope that’s not the case. While I know I’m not gonna be in these positions forever, I hope to at least have the luxury of being able to tell them I’m not coming back and to have some closure with it.

At my internship, I had a good but intense day. I can count on one hand the number of days I’ve had where I’ve gotten into my car and just sat for a minute… decompressing and taking in all that the clients offered in my time there that day…. But today was one of those days. While intensely challenged at times, I am continually amazed at the bravery and honesty I encounter in my work, and I feel honored and privileged to receive what I do from my clients. It is sometimes tiring, but always truly humbling and admirable.

Tonight, we had a good friend come over to visit. …She is amazing… beautiful, talented, funny, smart… a total package! We were happy to have an opportunity to listen to some of her more recent recordings, and meet her fabulous guy!

While this may be me “nerding out” as a singer, it is AMAZING to listen to someone go “all in” in their music making… Listening to Cherie is truly a full experience… her emotion, her diction, her phrasing, her dynamics…she sings in a way that is beautiful and accessible to everyone, but also conveys that she “gets it”… that thing that the composer is trying to express… I think that is precisely why she is lucky enough to have the composers PLAYING for her on this CD that is about to come out.

I tend to be a bit “flowy” and “dramatic” with my words at times, but I did not feel that I was being that way at all tonight when I told Cherie, “I love this. I love your passion, and the sultry-ness that you sing with! You leave each phrase pregnant with the possibility of what may come in the next phrase.”

While genuine, it garnered a few giggles… but I meant it. She’s done a beautiful job.

….and as cheesy at it all is, we know I love a catch-phrase of the day… and “pregnant with possibility” may just be it….

Tonight was one of those moments where I am the young one among my peers… there was talk of the shock and horror of turning 30, and 35, and 40… I am coming up on 30, within months, but I admittedly feel no stress about it… maybe just because I am the last of my friends to join the “30 club”… But I DO feel the unfamiliarity of this moment of change and flux in my life, and there are moments when that is totally exciting, and others where that is totally stressful and frightening.  It’s confusing and exhilarating at the same time, if that’s possible.

Tomorrow I am super excited to meet Bradford Keeney, a true pioneer in the field of creative therapy. I am also a little scared out of my pants; as I think the workshop will be a little out of my comfort zone. It’ll be an interesting weekend, to say the very least!

I will also have the chance to celebrate with an old friend- one I’ve had through high school and college- with her wedding this weekend. Saturday will be lots of fun- guaranteed!

While it seemed like a funny idea at the time when it popped into my head, upon the tiniest hair of further reflection, it seems that so many things in my life and in the lives around me are “pregnant with possibility”.

It’s really nice to be living a life that is so full of possibility, opportunity, change, and evolution.

Continue to dare yourself to pursue the same!

Happy weekend!

-T.

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