#10 of 10- Accountability

Standard

Post 10 of 10- Goal Accomplished!

It’s funny… yesterday during the day, I had several GREAT ideas for posts- it was fantastic- they just kept “coming” to me… As I read something, as I wrote something for school, as I cleaned my apartment, as I talked to people, heck, as I decided what to wear…. I thought, “This is going to be a GREAT post!”… Like 10 times. Seriously.

But did I go and write it? Nah.

Did I have time where I could have? Yep.

…Then I went off and hung out with a friend for a while, had some great conversation, and got home rather late. I was happy, but tired… and even if I wanted to write, none of the amazing ideas where anywhere to be found. Nope. My brain was completely wiped out. Kind of a bummer… totally gone. Ideas still gone.

So, I took my happy but tired self and climbed into bed… Thrilled, because it was it was nearly 4am and the construction dudes do NOT come on Saturdays.

….Except when they do.

…And they did. However, I was thankful that the ‘banging’ did not start until 10:30am (as opposed to their 7:30am norm), it was only 1-2 of them, and it only lasted an hour or two… Not the usual 8-hour workday. …I guess someone had some catching up to do in order to be ready for Monday. In between the banging, my phone exploded with notes from my beloved kiddos back in New Orleans, who were at their honor choir auditions. It was so cool that they checked in, kept me updated, and let me know how they did. Some of my colleagues checked in, too. It felt really weird to not be there, to not be giving the reassuring “hi-fives” or pep talks outside the audition room door, or to not be guzzling diet coke with my teacher friends at 8am… Nope, this year, I was cheerleader from my bed, 1,000 miles away.

…Even from a distance, can I just say I’m a HUGELY PROUD choir mom tonight. 🙂

VERY proud of “my kids” and happy to see they are doing so well with their new teachers, and still working hard… Not that I expected anything less.

But, I missed it.

Well, here it is- post 10 of my “10-post challenge”.

I certainly wasn’t perfect in my completion of this task, but I did pretty well, and I’m finishing nonetheless. I’m really glad I did this, as it has gotten me back into the practice of writing on the blog… and I still think it’s good for ME. Admittedly, the blog is a selfish endeavor. I enjoy writing. I enjoy the clarity it can bring me. I enjoy how it requires me to follow my “rules of social media” and find that moment of gratitude or moment of insight or moment of humor (or all of the above) in my day.

On the days that I don’t write, especially now, as I struggle to find a job and finish the process of “putting down roots” here in Chicago, I probably don’t find the “keeper moments” in my day as much as I’d like to.

Tonight, I had dinner with a dear friend of mine- the one I mentioned earlier in the week who is also struggling with the job thing. We went to eat in Chinatown (super fun & super yummy) and chatted for literally a few hours. We laughed, we talked, we told funny stories, and we Googled the most random things… but we also talked about the hard stuff- the fears, the being scared about money, the feeling inadequate, the feeling frustrated, about getting stuck wearing your PJ’s all day in your apartment with your laptop on your lap, the not going to the gym or out for a run even though Lord knows we’ve got the time, the not sleeping well and feeling super stressed out when all your friends think, “It must be great to have all that free time! Like vacation! Boy, am I jealous!”.

It was good stuff. While we both have great friends and great people in our lives, it was good to be with someone else who really UNDERSTOOD and UNDERSTANDS what the other is going through. We KNOW it is NOT FUN and NOT LIKE VACATION. We each could listen to one another, and ‘get it’. While we certainly are not completely “the same”, the day-to-day struggle of trying to keep the “happy face” and do what we need to do while kind of freaking out inside was something we both understand in a very personal way right now.

We made a specific point of deciding to NOT talk about job stress for the entire night. We agreed it’s important and real for us, and certainly not us being “overdramatic”… It deserved “floor time” for sure… But it wasn’t gonna be the focus of the evening.

It wasn’t. It was a fun night.

At the end of the night, my friend dropped me off and he said, “Look- let’s stay in close touch. We can help each other right now… We’re in a similar place, and we can hold each other accountable and make sure we’re not getting stuck… Less pajama days, you know?”

Yeah, less pajama days. 🙂

Very good idea indeed.

I think the blog serves that purpose for me, too. As I said earlier, it is for me… But I choose to share it. Not because I think it’s amazing or fascinating or the best or most perfect thing ever… But I share it because that makes me feel a little accountable. …and occasionally, if I haven’t posted in a while, one or two of you awesome, kind souls who read this says, “Hey what’s up?” or “Hey, I miss your posts!”

So, THANK YOU to you all.
I continue to be so flattered and humbled by the fact that you all actually read this. It amazes me. Thank you so much!

Feeling proud of reaching my very minor “10 posts” goal, I clicked on the “stats page” of the blog… Since I started this about 6 months ago, nearly 1500 people have read this blog, with hits from over 20 countries around the globe. That completely blows my mind… seriously.

Some of you are friends, teachers, students, mentors, colleagues, family members… and some of you are people I have never met. Some of you read once, read this occasionally, or read it consistently.

In any case, whoever you are, no matter how often you stop by…. Thanks for showing up, thanks for being a part of this, and thanks for helping to keep me accountable. It’s a privilege to have this space to sort myself out a bit from time to time.

I can’t promise I’ll show up every day, but I’m going to do my best to maintain some consistency with the blog… It can be hard mid-week when I do a decent amount of writing for grad school. But, in all likelihood, I’ll be back tomorrow.

With Gratitude,
TM

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